Basic Listening Skills

Basic Listening Skills in Communication Skills

 "The basic building block of good communications is the feeling that every human being is unique and of value."

                                                                                                                     -Author Unknown

Introduction

Good listeners are rare these days. Studies have shown that most listeners retain less than 50% of what they hear. Imagine what that means when it comes to a conversation that you might have with your boss, a colleague, or a customer. If you speak for ten minutes, chances are that you have only heard about half of that conversation – and so have they.  No wonder miscommunications happen so frequently!

 Yet listening is one of the most vital skills that you need if you want to communicate effectively. Listening allows you to ‘decode’ the messages that you are receiving, but it also allows you to help others communicate better. When you aren’t certain of the message that you have heard the first time, listening well allows you to ask the questions that will clarify the message.

Of course, listening is important in more arenas than in the work place. We listen for multiple reasons: 

®  To build relation ships

®  To understand others

®  To be entertained

®  To learn

®  To show empathy

®  To gather information 

With as much as listening can do for us, it’s obvious that we can all benefit from improving our listening skills. We can become more productive at work, more connected in our relationships, and more efficient in everything that we do. But listening also helps us to persuade and negotiate with others. It can help us avoid misunderstandings and can just make life more conflict-free in general. All of these are very good reasons for learning more about how to be a better listener.

3.1.2 Self-Awareness

 An important tool for becoming a good listener is becoming aware of your own behavior, feelings, and habits when listening. Do you know whether or not you are a good listener? Are you only a good listener in certain situations, like when listening to a friend who is upset? Or can you also listen in a tense situation when you have to communicate with someone who is angry, stressed, or expressing an opposing opinion to your own?

 Take time to become aware of your own listening behavior indifferent scenarios. At work, at home, with friends, with strangers, or with other groups that you communicate with, notice the following: 

·         Your body language–how are you standing or sitting? Are you tense or relaxed? In an open position or a closed one?

·         Do you make eye contact? Do you keep it? Or do you look away, look down, or turn your eyes to other people or things in your environment?

·         Are you following every word? Could you repeat what was just said verbatim? Or is your mind wandering off to lunch, that email you need to write, or that phone call you just had?

·         Are you planning what you will say in return? 

 All of these behaviors make it difficult to be a good listener. You may be sending the message to the speaker that their message is unimportant–or worse, that they are unimportant. As you practice better listening skills, you’ll need to be able to recognize when you’re straying back to these old behaviors. Being self-aware will let you self – correct and get better and better at listening to others. 

3.1.3 Active Listening

"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the sometime."                                                                                —M. Scott Peck

Becoming a better listener requires improving your active listening skills. What is meant by active listening skills?  Most of us spend at least part of the time that we are listening waiting for the person to stop so that we can have our next turn. This is particularly true when a conversation is heated or when the information we are trying to convey is very important.

Active listening means being as attentive and involved in the conversation during the times that you are listening as when you are speaking. You must learn to be consciously attentive to the words that are being said, but in addition, to the whole message that the other person is attempting to relay to you. In order to do this you must pay close attention to the speaker.

This requires concentration and practice. It means being certain that you either laminate or ignore the distractions surrounding you, and that you don’t spend the whole time coming up with your response to what they are saying. This may sound difficult, but there are some simple tools you can use to make active listening a regular habit.

3.1.4 Becoming an Active Listener

There are five key aspects of becoming an active listener. You will probably already be employing some of them, but may need to practice others. However, once you are using these tools overtime, you will find that they get easier and easier. Plus, you’ll learn so much about others and have such better conversations that you will be positively rein forced each time you practice.

1.   Pay close attention.

With this step, you learn to give the speaker your undivided attention. But you also let the speaker know that you are listening by using acknowledgements–types of verbal and non-verbal tools that help add proof that you are truly listening.

ü  Look the speaker in the eyes

ü  Stop any mental chatter

ü  Don’t start preparing your response or rebuttal while the other person is talking

ü  Make sure your environment doesn’t distract you

ü  Notice the speaker’s body language and tone of voice–what are the non-verbal messages telling you?

ü  If you are in a group, avoid side conversations

2.   Demonstrate physically that you are listening.

Use non-verbal and verbal signals that you are listening to the speaker attentively.

ü  Nod from time to time, when appropriate

ü  Use appropriate facial expressions

ü  Monitor your own body language. Be sure you remain open and relaxed rather than closed and tense.

ü  Use small comments like uh-huh, yes, right.

3.       Check for understanding.

As we learned in the last chapters, our personal experiences, our perceptions, and our feelings can all influence the way that we hear. It is possible for the message to get mistranslated or misinterpreted, so that we hear a message that was not intended. Before responding, it’s important to check for understanding using these tools.

Ø  Use reflecting and paraphrasing. Check that you heard the message correctly by saying things like “what I hear you saying is….” or “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying…..” or “I think you’ re talking about….”.

Ø  Ask questions that will help clarify the speaker’s meaning. Suggestions include things like, “Can you tell me more about…..? ” or  “What did you mean when you said…? ”or “I think you’re  saying…is that right?”

Ø  Summarize what you’ve heard occasionally–don’t wait until the end or you might not remember exactly what was said.

4.       Don’t interrupt!

There is nothing good that comes from interrupting the speaker. You will only be limiting your chance of understanding the message because you won’t hear it all–and because the speaker will get frustrated!

5.      Respond Appropriately.

When you are actively listening, you are showing your respect for the speaker, as well as gaining the information that you need to form your response. Once you have that information and have clarified it, it’s time to for my reply. When expressing your thoughts:

·      Be honest and open

·      Be respectful

·      Be thorough

Remember too that you are modeling excellent behavior for others when you use active listening. Don’t be surprised to hear others start to use clarifying questions or reflecting phrases as well–which would be a good thing for everyone concerned!

3.1.5 Listening in Difficult Situations

Listening is particularly difficult when you are in a heated or emotionally charged situation.  In order for your communication to be successful and productive, you may need to employ some additional tools in order to listen to others and to allow for the exchange of information despite your feelings.

Some tips include:

Ø  If possible, suggest that you move the discussion to a private location with no distractions.

Ø  If tension is high, start by agreeing on what your goal of the discussion will be. Are you resolving a problem? Learning about what happened in a difficult situation? Deciding roles in an important project? Determining how to proceed in order to reach a deadline? Come up with a common go alt hat you can both agree to work towards and that you can both refer back to should the conversation go off-topic.

Ø  If you need to, set ground rules. These could include agreeing that you won’t bring uphold events again, that you will keep personal comments out of the discussion, or that you will both keep your voices down.

Ø  While listening, remind yourself of the active listening guidelines. Breathe  slowly  in and out in order to remain calm.

Ø  If you can’t seem to pay attention, try repeating to yourself in  your mind every word that the other person says. Then you are ‘hearing’ the message twice and it has a better chance of getting through.